I'm NOT waiting

You know the whole idea about “waiting” has always irritated me.

Mainly because, what is the action of the wait, exactly?  Is it twiddling your thumbs? Is it trying to distract yourself? Is it pacing the floor? And if it’s primary giver is God or the Universe - waiting for one of them to swing around and throw candy to you like they are riding the float of the Milky Way - how do you deal with that when you think it’s taking a little long?

You get bitter, angry and sad because waiting is not a realistic or natural place we’re meant to be. Some things are uncomfortable because they are meant to strengthen us because we were built to get stronger.  But we’re not built to wait.

Go ahead all you holy rollers; get mad at me as you sit on your hands and try to look and sound pious.

I’m not waiting.

I had a house blessing in September of 2011 for a new apartment.  It was the first time I was living alone in a long time.  I was looking forward to it.  I had waited and prayed for an apartment in the city for years.

Pastor Jared, a friend of mine who was leading the blessing with a few friends and family, asked “What do you want this place to be?”

I only had to think a split second and I knew, among other things, what I most desired.

“I want this to be a place where I can practice contentment.”

As I looked back over all those prayers, one thing I thought about and prayed for was a place where I could practice contentment.  As I prayed, I wondered if that “I want to live in the city” prayer would ever be answered; I realized that I had never waited for that prayer to come true.

I had already started practicing the art of contentment.  I found something to enjoy about the several places that I lived in the meantime.

All you semantic champions back off a bit and let me tell you the difference between practicing contentment and waiting.

Waiting usually involves other “W” words whether you want to admit it or not.

           

        Want

            Wrestle

                                    Worry

Yeah, nobody likes to admit that waiting sometimes involves worry.  You've probably worried about how much longer you’d have to wait.

Waiting involves looking for a termination.  How long is this line going to be, fo’ real though?  Usually, as you wait, you expect some kind of outcome; either a “No,” or something more pleasant.  There is always some kind of answer involved; an answer that comes in the future.  Waiting is future oriented.

Waiting requires hope.  As Terry Pratchett so eloquently says in Hogfather, “Jam tomorrow equals hope.”  Hope is a wonderful thing, until tomorrow after tomorrow comes and you don’t get your jam. Or preserves. Or marmalade.  You only get crickets.  You stare down at your bread and honey and ask, “When will I at least get some jelly?”

Contentment is different because it is concerned with the present and only the present.  It doesn’t look forward to any answer in the future because its main concern is accepting what you have now.  It doesn’t ask questions about tomorrow.  It is thankful for today and everything in today.

Contentment

                    leans into at the heart of gratitude.

 learns to appreciate what you have now in all its limitations.

Contentment  looks down at that honey and says “Wow. This is versatile stuff.  It sweetens my tea and spreads on toast.” And, most importantly, contentment makes yumming noises and says “I’m enjoying this right now.”

And you do; you can enjoy it right now because you’re not dreaming about what might be tomorrow instead of chewing mindlessly and swallowing and wondering what it just tasted like.

             You can taste it right now.

                                     You enjoy it.

Contentment enjoys friendships for what they are worth instead of wondering what they will be and loosing touch with all those precious little moments.

Contentment finds fulfillment in a smile on a job well done even when the most menial tasks usually drive you crazy.

Contentment perseveres in pain, knowing that it is the miracle eye-opener to all the brief glimpses of beauty you had never noticed before because now nothing is taken for granted.

Contentment knows change is constant.

                   Contentment waters hope.

If you can enjoy your present, even when it doesn't live up to your dreams, you realize that you can enjoy life as is it blossoms. 

Waiting’s got its thumb out, hitch-hiking for the next thing to pass by. Contentment enjoys the ride it’s already on.